It was
mid-afternoon, and Owen and I had just emerged from near comatose sleep to a scorching
December day. Leaving Mitch and Avery to
their slumber, we quietly exited the lesbian house. The hot sun shone through the dirty
windscreen as Owen and I drove to the train station. It was only a short distance, but I was quite
tired and disoriented after an intense night of pot smoking. We were on the way to retrieve the fabled Nikki
– Owen’s new girlfriend.
Much
talked about in the preceding weeks, yet still unseen, her tumultuous entry
into Owen’s life seemed a mixed blessing.
During their brief association, they had already broken up once, sending
poor Owen into an emotional nosedive (SEE: “The Day of Pancakes”). Finding safe harbour in the lesbian house,
and still jobless, Owen’s sombre state was still foremost on our minds. Mitch, Avery and I had hoped that a
relationship (or at least, some sex) would promptly turn the tide for our
bearded friend.
Owen
had asked me pick up Nikki and then deposit them both back at the house. As we approached the station, my sense of
anticipation was tempered by the fear of making a poor first impression. If this girl ended up sticking around, there
was no doubt in my mind that she would be made a fully-fledged member of our
group. This meeting, however fleeting,
was significant – and I hadn’t event brushed my teeth.
“There
she is” said Owen, pointing to a figure standing on the street.
I
pulled over to the side of the road, where a skinny girl with faded green hair
stood waiting. She looked mighty angry.
Brushing aside the random assortment of junk in the back seat, I made space for
her as she opened the car door and sat down.
“This
is Nikki” said Owen, his eyes beaming with the anticipation of a boy about to
get laid.
Offering
my most sincere smile, I turned to face her, extending my hand in friendship.
“I’ve
heard lots about you” I offered clumsily, immediately stricken by her raggedy
appearance and her dark, penetrating eyes.
My friendly hand hung in mid-air, unshaken as she stared into my soul
with utter disdain.
“Right”
she offered, her expression unwavering.
Ignoring
her frosty demeanour, I withdrew my hand and began driving them both back to
the lesbian house, remaining completely silent while Owen made awkward small talk
about her journey from the eastern suburbs.
Her responses were brief and clipped.
Not at all like a girl ready to jump into the sack with poor old Owen. The drive was mercifully short, and after a
brief farewell, I drove home and took a much needed shower. Though not fully conscious of it at the time,
Nikki has stirred an emotion in me that I thought long since dormant – fear.
As I
sped away from Owen and his scary woman, I spared a thought for Mitch and Avery. Still sound asleep, and blissfully unaware,
they were bound to receive quite a shock when they awoke.
***
To
my surprise, a few weeks later, Nikki was still around. She and Owen had become mainstays of the
lesbian house, and their presence soon provoked an undercurrent of resentment
in its other residents. The two of them
spent entire days sealed inside Owen’s room, emerging only to consume vast
quantities of food and leaving dirty dishes, cups, glasses and half eaten meals
in their wake. Perturbed by the
gargantuan amount of housework now required of them and hoping to get him out
of the house, Mitch and Avery often encouraged Owen to begin searching for new employment. Though delivered delicately, such suggestions
fell upon deaf ears. Owen seemed
bewitched by this woman, and any conversation with him now revolved around Nikki
and her wants and needs.
I
was enjoying my planned unemployment and revelling in the generous amount of
time I was able to spend with my friends, now unencumbered by my nine to
five. I had started visiting Mitch and Avery
on weeknights, only to find that Owen and Nikki had appropriated the living
room for themselves. One such night I
arrived to find Avery and Mitch hiding in their bedroom. They quickly ushered me in, closing the door
behind me for a modicum of privacy.
In
hushed, fearful whispers they revealed how unhappy they were with Nikki in the house
and with how much disrespect her and Owen treated it. They had been allowed to stay as a courtesy,
and were in fact guests of guests in a home that did not belong to them. I was elated that I could finally break my
silence. I had been holding my tongue
for weeks, beholden to a code of honour which demanded that I pay due deference
and respect to the girlfriend of one of my closest friends.
I
dreaded each encounter with Nikki. Mitch
appeared to avoid her entirely, sensing her malevolence immediately. Conversations with her were laboured and
rushed. We appeared to have zero common
ground, and she often gave offence to unexpected remarks and ideas. On many occasions she insulted me to my face,
often in the presence of Owen who smiled absent mindedly, enthralled by her
green haired vagina.
I
felt betrayed - the stringent ‘bros before hos’ contingent clearly outlined the
required protocol for exactly this type of situation. I would never have allowed one of my
boyfriends to speak to Owen so rudely, and at the very least, expected Nikki to
maintain the pretence of politeness.
Hurt that Owen wasn’t adhering to the universally accepted man codes, I
could sense him slipping further away from us all, and wondered whether his
love-struck stupor was any better than the despair he had left behind.
Worse
still, Avery and Mitch advised me that Nikki was suspected of stealing money
that had been left out in the open by our lesbian benefactors. Provided in good faith, and intended for
groceries, it had gone missing during one of her many visits. Casual enquiries were made, but all of us
were far too afraid of Nikki to confront her directly.
Perpetually
attired in torn or soiled clothing, Nikki possessed a dark energy and an air of
intimidation. Friendly greetings and
jovial remarks were met with her trademark threatening gaze accompanied by a stony
faced silence. She rarely smiled or
laughed, and when she did, it was ungodly, like a witches cackle after an
incantation, murderous and sinister. It was
rapidly becoming obvious that Owen had brought a maniac into our midst and
there was nothing we could do.
***
With
our New Year’s Eve trip into the city aborted due to intense rain and wind, the
group decided to celebrate together at the lesbian house. It had, after all, become a weekly port of
call for all of us and we appreciated its warm and welcoming décor. As I admired a patch of lovingly cultivated
mint, Nikki arrived, dashing my cheerful disposition with her sharp tongue and
thousand yard stare. Jesse and Amber
paid a brief visit, though stayed less than thirty minutes before Amber’s
delicate sensibilities were offended and they departed for their own
(undoubtedly superior) celebration.
No
sooner had their car disappeared from view, the weed was brought out. A healthy stack of green and brown buds stored
in an environmentally sustainable coffee cup which I had gifted to Owen. The long and difficult year had but a few
hours remaining, and I was determined to enjoy myself, or failing that, drink
and smoke as much as I could before falling down. I deftly avoided Nikki and Owen for most of
the night. It was a habit that I had
recently taken up. Keen to avoid her
customary barbs, I wiled away the hours with Mitch and Avery, alternating
between weed and some fancy looking vodka from the liquor cabinet that I had
sought permission to consume.
The midnight
countdown came and went, and both couples exchanged customary New Year’s kisses
as I looked on secretly envious and frustrated.
Mitch and Avery disappeared into their bedroom for their first shag of
the year, leaving me stranded with Owen and Nikki as an eerie silence blanketed
the house. Out on the balcony, I began
smoking the last of our supply, listening to the raucous sounds of other parties
in the neighbourhood. Fearful of all
drugs except alcohol, Nikki disapproved and didn’t hesitate to make her
feelings known. By this point Owen
simply agreed with or defended everything she said. I ignored them both and finished off my joint,
wondering what she had done to my friend.
Their
company had become unbearable, and increasingly unhappy, I decided to go
home. I foolishly wondered out loud if I
would be able to successfully drive my car home in my current state while
avoiding the inevitable police patrols.
Nikki
suddenly glared at me with hatred as her eyes welled. She burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably
as Owen and I looked on flabbergasted.
What had I done?! What had I
said?!
Consoling
her, Owen tried desperately to ascertain the reason for her sudden outburst. It was not the first time this had
happened. Her vitriolic rants were often
punctuated by such fits, including one such incident at my apartment where she
cried on my balcony for a full hour while Owen and I looked on in
disbelief. I sheepishly apologised for
my infraction – whether real or imagined – but to no avail. She would not even speak a single word to me. After more than half an hour of sobbing, she
finally outlined a vague tale about her father being killed by a drunk
driver. Apparently my comment about
getting behind the wheel had set her off.
I
struggled to maintain my composure. In
that moment, I hated her so much.
“I
have no respect for you anymore and I think you’re nothing” she said, offering
a chilling tear stained death glare.
Her
sobbing subsided, Owen escorted her inside.
Despite
her bizarre reaction, Nikki was correct – I was far too inebriated to drive,
but I desperately wanted to be somewhere else – anywhere else. Our celebrations long since over, and my
friends fast asleep, there was nothing left for me in the lesbian house except
a bottle of expensive vodka and the company of a madwoman. As Owen tended to his girlfriend, I quietly
gathered my belongings and casually walked out the front door into the
night. Abandoning my parked car, I resolved
to walk home, I didn’t care how long it took, but I needed to get away.
I
never celebrated New Year’s Eve again.
***
Weeks
passed, and the situation with Nikki grew worse and worse. Mitch, Avery and I had no recourse, and Owen
seemed oblivious to Nikki’s anti-social behaviour and our blatant dislike of
her. Practically bursting with
restraint, we all tried to maintain our difficult silence, unwilling to reveal
our true feelings for fear of wounding our friend. Jesse and Amber both seemed genuinely
frightened of her, Amber especially, whose encounters with Nikki bordered out
outright hostility.
In spite of this, the two of them seemed inseparable. Moments alone with Owen were few and far
between, and on occasion he revealed to me that Nikki’s mercurial nature and
frequent emotional outbursts were putting a strain on their relationship. At the time, it was difficult to empathise
with him.
Forgiving
Owen’s new persona, I was adamant that I had to find a way to smooth relations
with him and his crazy woman. I invited
them over to my apartment for a typical night of TV, food and weed. Owen and I adopted our customary stances in
the bathroom as we smoked with the door closed, leaving Nikki alone in the
kitchen. In a stunningly generous turn,
she had informed us that she was going to cook for us, and busied herself in my
tiny kitchenette making chips with a bag of potatoes she had found unused in my
fridge. Satisfied that she would leave Owen
and I alone for a spell, I perched upon the rim of my bathtub and got busy
smoking my pipe. It was the first time I
had been alone with Owen for weeks, and I relished the moment, secretly longing
for the friend I had had pre-Nikki. The bathroom
door burst open violently, startling us both.
Slowly emerging from a cloud of pot smoke stood Nikki - a glistening knife
in one hand, and a half peeled potato in the other.
“What
the fuck is this?!” she screamed, hurling the half peeled potato at my
head. I ducked as the potato bounced off
my bathroom mirror and landed on the floor creating a sticky mess of wet potato
skin.
Turning
on her heel, she was gone – back to the kitchen to continue cooking as though
nothing untoward had happened. Owen’s jaw
dropped, as I stared blankly at the potato by my feet, shocked and astonished
at what had just transpired.
“What
just happened?” I asked cautiously, wondering what I had done to warrant a
potato throwing.
Owen
simply smiled and took another drag on his cigarette.
“Dude
I got no idea”.
We
ate our chips in silence watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force, fearful that any word
in Nikki’s direction would trigger another food related assault. After a short while, she excused herself to
go to the bathroom. Both of us quite
stoned, neither Owen nor I noticed how long she had been gone – more than an
hour when we finally alighted the sofa to search for her.
A modest abode, my apartment mainly consisted of two
rooms – there really wasn’t any place that she could go. Not finding her in my bathroom or bedroom, Owen
and I stood perplexed at where she could have gotten to. The tiny window in my bathroom was far too
small for her to have traversed, yet she was nowhere to be seen. As Owen looked under my bed, I slid open my
wardrobe door to reveal Nikki, curled up in a ball amongst my clothes,
trembling and giggling manically.
She gave no explanation for her behaviour, acting as
though hiding in a wardrobe was completely normal. I reluctantly let them both stay the night,
but not before Nikki casually reminded me that she could kill me while I
slept. As Owen and Nikki constructed a
makeshift bed out of sleeping bags and cushions on my living room floor, I
sealed myself in my bedroom by dragging a side table over to block the
door. I lay awake, staring at the roof,
trying to make sense of the night’s strange events and terrified of the
unpredictable and incomprehensible woman in the next room.
Early
in 2010, the lesbians returned to reclaim their home, rendering Owen once again
homeless. Mitch hastily embarked upon a
cleaning frenzy before they arrived, attempting to undo some of the chaos that Owen
and Nikki had wrought. Sheets were
soiled, objects moved about and the pantry left practically bare. With one remaining nerve, and less than a day
to spare, Mitch accomplished his task alone while Avery was at work.
Still
joined at the hip, Owen and Nikki took turns sleeping on all our couches as we gritted
our teeth and tolerated their obnoxious behaviour. It placed us all in an awkward position. Despite the recent changes to his personality,
we all trusted Owen implicitly, though none of us were eager to cohabitate with
Nikki. I had come to regret each
instance in which I had welcomed her into my home, feeling as though I had
unwittingly admitted something dangerous.
The only houseguest to threaten my life so far, her very presence was
unnerving. I always watched her closely, never knowing if she would try to
steal something or burst into tears.
A
brief stint at Jesse and Amber’s house came to an abrupt end after they
severely overstayed their welcome, prompting a rare show of force from Jesse who
insisted that they leave. A further conflict
erupted when Nikki lit Amber’s special incense without permission and then
placed it by an open window, allowing the scent to pointlessly waft
outside. I regularly began making
excuses or claimed that I was out visiting my parents, fearful that they both
would come calling, seeking a place to stay.
For reasons unknown, Owen had given Nikki my phone number, and she had
begun sending me threatening text messages followed by a request for accommodation. On more than one occasion, they both appeared
on my doorstep unannounced. Standing
right before me, I simply could not refuse them.
Out
for dinner one night, Mitch, Avery and I sat in my parked car – the three of us
nervously ignoring their phone calls and feeling guilty for it too. They had become quite an imposition on us
all, and we simply wished for some time to ourselves.
Nikki
represented a dilemma – Owen was our friend – how could we sit idly by and do
nothing while he remained homeless? Nikki
had a home of her own out in the eastern suburbs, but it was apparently a no go
zone for Owen – Nikki still lived with her ex-boyfriend with whom she had a young
child. We often suggested that Owen stay
with his parents in Ballarat, but of course that meant separation from Nikki.
Then
came the day that none of us had prepared for – one night at Jesse and Amber’s
house, they proudly announced their engagement.
Confused
and fearful, we all offered our half-hearted congratulations; Mitch and I
exchanged concerned glances, knowing that our discussion on this development
would have to wait until the car ride home.
That night, no one dared question either one of them on the wisdom of
their decision – both unemployed and engaged after mere months dating - the air
was thick with our unspoken objections. We
had all become aware of how much they argued, often behind closed doors but so
loudly that anyone could hear. Yet they
seemed quite pleased with themselves, even getting matching finger piercings in
place of wedding rings to commemorate the occasion.
Almost
immediately, Nikki began planning an impending engagement party, volunteering Jesse
and Amber’s house as the venue. The
colour green (Jesse’s favourite) was to be the theme of the evening, with
decorations and plastic rings in accordance.
The night would coincide with Jesse’s birthday and he graciously agreed
to share the festivities with her.
Attired in my only green t-shirt, I arrived with Mitch and greeted the
happy couple in the kitchen as we prepared drinks. Within minutes, Nikki had insulted several
people, including some of Amber’s friends, so I left the room, preferring to
sit outside with the rest of the party. Nikki’s
presence and the subsequent brainwashing of Owen allowed Mitch, Avery and I to
cement our friendship. Their unspoken
awareness of my discomfort gave me safety and someone to complain to. I decided that the only way to get through
this wretched event was to stay clear of Nikki entirely. My plan was largely successful, that is until
I ran headlong into her in the hallway leading to the kitchen. Silently, she glared at me for a moment,
before flinging her arms around me and bursting into tears. Frozen in terror, I remained perfectly still
as her salty tears soaked through my stupid green shirt.
It
was around about this time that Nikki had forged a bond with Denise. Beautiful, yet impressionable and insecure
about her physical appearance, Denise often sought mentorship in the wrong
places. She had long been under the
auspices of Amber who seemed to delight in a timid sidekick to indoctrinate
with the warped concepts of “female empowerment” she had gleaned from daytime
television. In Nikki, Denise saw a forceful
woman, who despite a heaping helping of insanity, seemed firmly in control of
her own destiny. Her allure was
powerful, and Denise and Nikki quickly began spending time together and having
lengthy online chats.
One
night, Amber summoned me to an emergency crisis meeting. She had corralled the entire group into her
living room (minus Owen and Nikki, of course) for a keynote address. First on the agenda – what was “to be done”
about them. Like the rest of us, Amber
was frightened and disturbed by her and deeply worried that she would corrupt
impressionable Denise. We all had a
chance to air our many grievances openly and I regaled the group with the tale
of the infamous potato throwing incident at my apartment – now commonly
referred to as “Potatogate”.
Despite
deliberations long into the night, the group was deadlocked. Everyone except Amber agreed that it was
unethical to engineer a break up for Owen and Nikki, though we all admitted we
were tempted by the prospect. Fierce
debate ensued. The very nature of our
gathering revealed to us a sobering truth – we were meeting in secret and
flirting with hatching a plot to destabilise Owen’s relationship. At the close of our heated discussion, I
drove Mitch and Avery home. Mitch and I
continued our discourse, while Avery sat in the back seat, slowly shaking her
head in silent disapproval of the night’s proceedings.
As
it happened, no intervention from us was required – Owen and Nikki already
appeared locked onto a course of mutually assured destruction. With their engagement piercings both now
horribly infected, we watched the increasing intensity and frequency of their
volatile disagreements. A cataclysmic
break up loomed on the horizon, and it was only a matter of time.
***
Fed
up with his vagrant status, Owen finally accepted an invitation from Mitch and
his uncle who kindly invited him to stay at their house in Glenroy. Nikki – not invited – returned to her actual
house in the eastern suburbs and to her young son whom she had neglected for
some time. Separated from Nikki for the
first time, Owen sunk into a deep depression, occupying Mitch’s living room for
hours at a stretch. Once more, I was
pleased to be able to interact with Owen free from Nikki’s oppressive presence,
but he seemed distant and withdrawn.
Unwilling to bathe or contribute to any housework, he became a burden on
Mitch who laundered his clothes and cooked his meals. All of us tried to encourage Owen to go and
look for work but he seemed uninterested, pining away for his fiancée now
located several suburbs away. Mitch and Avery
responded with characteristic charity, even buying him appropriate clothes for
a job interview that he had been coaxed into attending.
Despite
a saintly reserve of patience from Mitch and his uncle, Owen ultimately
outstayed his welcome after three weeks.
His slothful presence in the house had become untenable, and he agreed
to move on. For a few weeks, reliable
information on Owen’s whereabouts became difficult to obtain. Now both working in the city, Mitch and I ran
into him on the street serendipitously.
Attired in suit and tie, he informed us that he had hit the pavement and
was frantically looking for work. Nikki,
now no longer living with her baby daddy, was firmly ensconced in an expensive
city hotel suite at the expense of Owen’s credit card. Now apparently a lady of leisure, she spent
her days ordering room service and pedicures.
Their constant arguments now unbearable, Owen was under immense stress
and would often wander the streets aimlessly in an attempt to avoid going home
to Nikki.
Then
one day – a message from Nikki. Sent via
text message to Mitch and Avery, it informed us all that Owen was “not who he
appeared to be” and that he was “lying to his friends”. The message ended on a foreboding note –
“Beware”. Baffled by the ominous text,
we soon ascertained that that the unthinkable had happened. Owen and Nikki had finally broken up. None of us would have admitted it, but it was
news we had all been waiting for with baited breath. Nikki’s text message was no doubt a parting
shot at Owen and one last attempt to sew dissent among his friends.
The
details of their demise remained sketchy, and Owen offered precious little
information. Still reeling from the
experience and emotionally and physically drained, Owen rarely spoke of Nikki
in the weeks and months that followed (occasional references to “that bitch”
notwithstanding). His engagement piercing
had become red and bulbous with infection, and once removed, left him with a
permanent scar – a physical manifestation of the toll this girl had taken upon
him.
Welcomed
back into the fold, and eventually given a home in the Heidelberg house, he never
apologised to any of us for his conduct during his time with Nikki. Though I was overjoyed to see Owen finally
find a home after so much hardship, I never trusted him in the same way again
and our friendship never fully recovered.
While I was quick to point out how badly he had behaved, I was also
forced to gaze upon my own unattractive behaviour – I had effectively turned
away a friend in need simply because I didn’t like his girlfriend.
To
this day, Nikki’s legacy remains a powerful one – her memory still invoked from
time to time, usually in the negative, she managed to divide us all and shatter
the bonds of family we had thought infinitely stronger. I have often wondered about her ultimate fate,
though am more than content not knowing, and hope that she has sought treatment
for what could only be characterised as some form of mental illness.
As
for Owen - time and the company of friends aided his recovery and eventual
ascent. It was though he had been
poisoned by her, tainted and then changed forever. In the years that followed, he managed to
exorcise her influence, and there were always times when he would speak her
name in conversation. As he would speak,
I would look into his world weary eyes, and see flashes of pain and regret, and
know that the spectre of Nikki would haunt him all his life.
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