Chapter 07: Quarrantine

DAY 1

“How many days are we talking here?”  I asked, perched upon the cold examination table, suddenly surprised.

“There’s no way to be sure.  Two or three at least.  We need to wait until we have your test results to be safe.  Until then, there’s no way of knowing if you have Swine Flu or just a garden variety virus”

I was irritated, after waiting for a full hour; the Doctor had taken three vials of blood and forced me to endure the indignity of providing a urine sample.  Outside in the waiting room, more than fifty patients waited for the one doctor on duty at the emergency clinic.  The room was full of silent concerned faces, and signs posted on the wall encouraged patrons to wash their hands frequently and avail themselves of the disinfectant the clinic had provided.  The scene was surreal, and the apprehension in the air was palpable and unnerving.  People were scared.

“So what do I do now?”

“Go home and stay inside.  For all we know you could be highly contagious and we can’t risk you going to work where you could spread this”

This was starting to sound serious.  I had been quarantined, in my own home no less, but quarantined nonetheless.  Even the word itself was dramatic, conjuring up images of understaffed triage hospitals full of screaming, suffering patients hovered over by doctors in hazmat suits.

“Don’t worry, I’ll call you the minute we have your results” the Doctor smiled in a wane attempt at reassurance.

Still somewhat stunned, I left the emergency clinic and drove home.  Along the way I called my boss at work to apprise her of the situation.  It was, after all, the perfect excuse for getting out of a couple of days of work.

DAY 2

“This won’t be so bad” I thought as I slowly got out of bed and walked into the kitchen and switched on the kettle. 

I had been granted some guilt free time off – I mean, how bad could it be?  Coffee in hand, I sat down on my sofa wearing only my underwear.  No point to getting dressed – I wasn’t going anywhere and wouldn’t be impressing anyone.  I reached for the remote and switched on the TV.

“Ahhhh…”

I resolved to spend my brief quarantine catching up with my old friend television.  My arms outstretched, I reclined into the sofa.  This was perfection.  Mild fever and throbbing headache aside, it was like a holiday – except I was sick and wasn’t allowed to go anywhere.  No matter.  The very fact that I had been quarantined would guarantee peaceful solitude – no one could bother me – except by phone – which could be conveniently put on silent.  I was sickly – unclean and needed to be kept separate from the general population.  It was a melodramatic diagnosis to be sure, but secretly, I loved it.

After a few hours of television, I shaved and showered and prepared for a visit from Mum and Dad.  Talking to them via my half open balcony window, they thoughtfully placed a care package of supplies for me to consume.  All my favourites were present.  Orange juice, protein shakes and a some Star Trek DVDs.  Feeling spoiled, I chatted with them for a while and tried my best to alleviate their panic and parental concern.  Mum and Dad left after half an hour or so, and I resumed my urgent schedule of TV watching, drinking a full litre of orange juice.  I carefully set aside the DVDs, reserving them as a trump card to play during a moment of extreme boredom.

Night fell, and not hungry after all that juice, I postponed dinner until 10pm.  After all, without a looming work day, I was free to make my own schedule.  Yet I was slowly getting restless, and without having spent any energy, wasn’t tired enough to sleep.  Midnight came and went, and I finally found sleep in a pile of clothes on my living room floor.

DAY 3

I woke up to the sound of my alarm and immediately checked my phone for messages or missed calls.  Nothing.  The clinic had said they would call me once my test results had been determined but they were taking longer than expected. 

In my undies, I lumbered out into the living room wondering what I would do with the rest of my day.  Restlessness had well and truly started to set in.  Barely able to tolerate even an hour of television, I tried reading a book for a while.  I was becoming bored, and it started to panic me.  Searching my small home, I began to search for ways to pass the time, cranking out a hundred push ups and reordering my comic collection.

My phone lit up – it was Mitch.  Thank God – something to break the monotony.

“You gone crazy yet?”

“Nope, but I’m feeling pretty close to the edge dude.  What are you up to?”

“Playing Fallout 3 – I’m so smashed right now”

“Fuck I wish I had some weed”

“I’d bring you some dude, but I don’t have a car”

Damn.  I wanted weed so bad.  Mitch was chilling out at home, stoned playing video games while I was left to endure the wasteland of day time TV.  My domestic exile was now getting tiresome.  I wanted to be outside, go for a walk, move around, but I was trapped here – alone.

The rest of the day passed slowly.  Jesse and Amber sent me a text encouraging me to “feel awesome”, and I ate nine packets of ketchup.  After nightfall, I sat in my bathtub singing sea shanties in a fine piercing tenor.  I masturbated four times that day.

DAY 4

“What do you mean another couple of days!?” I screamed into the phone as I watched my soup slowly rotate in the microwave.

“We haven’t gotten your results back yet; there are a lot of patients to get through.  Just make sure you stay inside.  You could still be highly contagious”.

I ended the call and pocketed my phone, sitting down to angrily eat my lunch.  The doctor hadn’t been very reassuring.  He didn’t seem to care that I was stuck here by myself, slowly going mad with boredom, my penis now red from overuse.

Boredom aside, I understood why I had to stay isolated – I was still feeling quite sick, my fever still burning and my headache now a full blown migraine.

Several hours passed as I paced around my apartment like a caged animal, quietly counting the dead insects collected upon the window sill.  There were four dead flies and one moth.

That was it – I couldn’t bear another second.   I needed some way to pass the time – I needed some weed and I was going to break quarantine to get it.  I picked up my phone and dialled Mitch.

“Dude…I’m coming over”

Minutes later, I was on the road, a sterile face mask strapped to my face.  It would be okay.  I’d only be out of the house for half an hour, and it wasn’t as if I was going to a beach party or anime convention.  Still justifying my breach of protocol, I pulled into Mitch’s driveway to see him standing on his front porch several meters away from me.  I wound down the window.

“Hey man, sorry, you probably shouldn’t come any closer” my voice muffled by the face mask.

“But I have some weed for you” replied Mitch, holding up a small, carefully wrapped package.

“Just throw it through the window”

Mitch obliged, sending the small cling wrapped package sailing through the driver’s side window and onto the passenger seat.

“Thanks man – I’ll always love you” I yelled out as I wound up the window, reversed out of his driveway and drove home to get stoned and watch Star Trek.  It was amazing.

DAY 5

I had rationed out my supply of weed enough to provide me with a second night of entertainment, but decided to wait until the evening to smoke it. First I had to face yet another empty day of solitary confinement.  As the hours passed, I began to wonder if all this time trapped in my apartment was starting to take its toll on my mental state.

That afternoon, Craig came by to visit me, and like my parents, spoke through the half opened window on my balcony.  As if a visitor to a prison cell, he peered through the window to find me on the floor, dishevelled and slowly disassembling an electric heater.

“So what have you been up to?” Craig asked cautiously as he regarded the many tiny screws and wingnuts spread across the carpet.

“I masturbated seven times”

“That’s awesome.  Must be some kind of record for you”

“Pfft!  As if!” I scoffed as I detached the heater’s freewheeling castors.

“So how are you feeling?”

“Still pretty shit.  Can’t seem to shake this fever.  Sometimes singing helps”

“Singing?”

“Yeah.  I do it in the bathtub.  If you stick around for a few hours you might hear another song, but it’s doubtful.  I’m not a jukebox you know”

“I can see that.  What happened to the heater?”

“It was dirty on the inside, so I thought I’d give it a clean, y’know really get into all that dirt you can’t normally see.  I had to take it apart.  There was no other choice”

Craig slowly backed away from the window and started to leave.

“Okay well you feel better dude, call me if you need anything”

“I will.  Bye Craig” I replied, not even looking up from the disassembled contraption before me.

Taking apart household appliances was time consuming, but ultimately, rewarding.  Next on my agenda: the toaster.  Its insides desperately needed cleaning, and it had laughed at me for the very last time.

DAY 6

“Don’t touch that!” came a woman’s voice from behind me as I meddled with the high tech touchscreen in front of me.

            I turned to see a dark haired woman wearing a white lab coat standing beside me.  She carried a clipboard and wore perfume that smelled like coconuts.

“Why not?” I replied instinctively.

“That’s very delicate equipment, not to mention expensive”

“Oh…sorry”

            

I looked around the room, taking a moment to absorb my surroundings.  Where was I?  And how did I get here?  The last thing I remembered was going to bed.  My fever had gotten even worse and I had been shaking with delirium.

The small room around me looked like some sort of monitoring station, with LCD screens displaying data and two or three workstations along the side wall.  In front of me two large windows opened up onto a bizarre scene – a small bedroom, with a young man enduring a fitful sleep.  The guy looked like he was in rough shape, gently trembling with his brow covered in sweat.

“Can he see us?” I asked, suddenly concerned that I was voyeuristically watching some guy sleep.

“No” replied the woman “It’s a one way mirror.  Only we can see out.” 

        

She danced about the room with her clipboard, busily checking the display screens and cross referencing with her clipboard.  Transfixed by the sleeping man, I resumed my strange peep show all the more brazen as I knew he couldn’t see me.  Some of the details of the room seemed familiar.  The bedsheets, the blinds – it looked a lot like my apartment – just like my bedroom.

            

Just then I had a sinking feeling.  I focused on the sleeping man’s face.  He looked a lot like me; in fact, he could have easily been my twin.  It took me a few moments to realise what had happened.

“No way”.

I spun around to face the woman who stood behind me, arms folded with an expectant expression that said “what took you so long?”

“Don’t be afraid – we just had to remove you from your body for a little while”

I looked at the woman, dumbfounded, trying to think of something to say.

“You went to bed an hour ago, remember?  Your fever got considerably worse - look” she motioned to the window and the sleeping man – me - sleeping in my bedroom delirious with fever.

I took a long, deep breath and tried to form the words to the only question on my mind.  I steeled myself for her response.

“Am I -”

“Dead?  Don’t be such a drama queen.  Your body was just too damaged for you to be inside it.  You can return once your fever breaks”

“When is that?”

“Soon”

“Do you do this often?” I asked slowly, now suddenly terrified.

“Only when we need to”

          

The dark haired woman finished writing on her clipboard and pulled back her sleeve to check her wristwatch.

“Time to go” she said matter-of-factly as she placed her hand on my shoulder and guided me to a nearby chair. 

Compliant, I sat down, still staring at the woman, my mind awash with confusion.  What had happened?  What was this place?  Was this the afterlife?  What kind of afterlife had one way mirrors and touchscreens?

Just as soon as I had sat down the woman leaned over me and sharply pinched my ear.

“Ow! Bitch that hurt!”

“I know, I know.  Close your eyes now – its time you were going home”

The spot where she had pinched my ear started burning intensely as I suddenly felt drowsy. The urge to shut my eyes was uncontrollable, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t resist.  Involuntarily, my head slowly fell forward until my chin touched my chest.

“But I still have so many questions” I complained, now well on my way towards sleep “What is this place?”

“You’ve been here before – many times.  Now back to bed”

The room before me started to distort and blur as my heavy eyes finally closed completely as I tumbled backwards into the black abyss of dreamless, peaceful sleep.

DAY 7

I sat bolt upright in my bed, the shirt I had fallen asleep in now moist with night sweat.  I lurched across the bedside and grabbed the ringing phone that had woken me.

“Hello?”

It was the doctor from the Swine Flu clinic.  Finally.  After a being cooped up in my apartment for six days, my test results were finally ready.  I braced myself for bad news.  For all I knew, I could be contagious and would have to stay here another week.  I would run out of appliances pretty quickly.

“Your test results came back negative.  Turns out you just had a virus, but there’s no sign of Swine Flu in your system.  Your quarantine is lifted”.

I sat there with the phone to my ear, stunned by the news and still groggy from my sleep.

“Thank you.  Thank you so much”

I hung up the phone, and stared at the Blink 182 poster on my wall for a few moments, remembering that I had just been in another place.  Was it real?  I wondered if my brain was skilled enough to create such an elaborate fantasy.  Maybe I had been delirious enough to have a genuine out of body experience.  I would never know.

I stepped out of bed and walked into the living room, opening the blinds that covered the big glass doors to my balcony.  Glorious golden sunlight streamed into the room.  My eyes squinted as I adjusted to the brightness.  It was a beautiful day, and I couldn’t wait to go outside.